You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
