I think my vagina is haunted
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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