my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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