Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
