I puked a lego.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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