The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
