if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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