how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
