i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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