I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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