Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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