Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
