Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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