Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
