You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
