I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
