is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
