just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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