She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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