My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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