I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
