He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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