Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
