So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
