He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
