The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
