Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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