Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
