it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
