Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
