I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
