return my video game
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
