On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
farters have to be the big spoon...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
