My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
