just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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