tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Terrible idea I love it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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