whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
