Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
