Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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