how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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