If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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