Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
