I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
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