Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
