Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
