I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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