Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
