Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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