OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
