btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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