I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
