is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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