i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.