last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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