there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
