I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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