I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize