i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
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I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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