she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
