I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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