I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
