He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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