I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
