I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
