sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
