Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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