I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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