u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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