He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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