New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
