he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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