I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
