If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
