Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
