u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
