I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
