She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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